Tammy,

This is the one year anniversary of my blog.  I wonder what posts people have liked the best.

I guess yesterday was a good example of my yoga experience over the past year.  It was raining while I was driving to an outdoor yoga class and I was wondering why I was going.  I felt I would probably get sick and not be able to do yoga for a while.   I feared that my mat would become slippery and I would slip and fall and get injured.  When the class started the teacher immediately ran us through some sun salutations and warrior poses.  I felt drops of water on my mat and soon realized they were sweat, not rain drops.  The rain and everything else had evaporated from my mind except the pose we were doing.  Soon enough there was no rain from the sky.  The sun even came out.

As far as my progress in yoga, I show up every week.  I don’t do any homework.  Outside of  class, I don’t think much about yoga.   Is it possible I don’t really care much about yoga?  What’s the irony here?  I’m getting better at yoga.  I can now do the crow and full wheel poses.

Maybe I shouldn’t try or think about other things and they’ll get better.  Maybe I’ll start with relationships.  What do you think?

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

While waiting for yoga class the other day, I did a little yogic thinking.  I guess these emails suggest I might do that once in a while.  When yoga teachers say that it is my class, I figure that means I focus on me and do the best I can; stopping only if I have trouble with a pose.  On this day, I did something uncharacteristic and intentionally watched the others.  No, I’m not a perv, just curious.   I never knew how much other students disregard the professional yoga teacher’s instructions and do whatever they want.   What’s up with that?  I noticed a woman doing savasana the whole class.  Why get out of bed for an early morning yoga class to just lay on the ground when you could have been snoozing away in a comfy bed?  Then I saw the little duckling pose.  That’s where the mother brings two daughters below ten years old and they try to imitate their mom; in other words, a yoga class of three.  It was cute, especially when the girls couldn’t keep up with the flow and didn’t get totally frustrated.  With more yoga practice, one day all the ducks will be in a row and will be joining the rest of us.  How about the muscle dude in the front row?  When we flowed, instead of upward dog, he did a headstand.  I was shocked when I first saw it and thought maybe that was how advanced yogis do the pose.  Then I realized he was just trying to impress the hot woman next to him.

I know it’s their yoga, but how do you teach your yoga when so many people are freestyling?

Gary Kahn

Good morning Tammy,

Since I haven’t been to any of your classes this week, I decided to take my second of ten Bikram yoga classes this morning.  Despite the near death experience at my first class, I’m going again because Groupon ehounds me to see whether I’m using the Groupons I purchased.  Groupon also wants me to rate the experience at the Bikram studio; I’m in a good mood and will skip this part.  As the saying goes, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything; otherwise your next Bikram class may terminally be your last.

There is a little trepidation about going to another Bikram yoga class.  I go to your class to feel good about myself and laugh which I think is the purpose of yoga.  I think Bikram is life’s way of seeing if you have a death wish or if you really want to be alive.  There are a couple of signs indicating my first class wasn’t a comedy festival or an ecstasy party.  Nobody said hi to the teacher as she walked into class.  During the entire 90 minute class, every student had their teeth clenched; they should’ve been wearing mouth guards as they were surely grinding their teeth.  The sole positive I can relate from the class is that I was able to stay up until 2 in the morning after the class; good bye 5 Hour Energy drink.

My mind wanders who may be a good candidate for Bikram yoga.  Somebody who is waiting for a big inheritance should consider suggesting Bikram to their “loved one”; the richie may not make it out alive.  Ladies, is the love lost from your marriage and you’re thinking about divorce?  Is your hubby’s life insurance paid up?  If so, don’t even wait for his birthday, your anniversary, or the holidays, gift him some Bikram yoga classes as soon as possible.

When I go this morning, I’m going to pay special attention to the teacher’s speech at the beginning of class.  The teacher must give out a safe word like they do in BDSM sessions.  I must be able to stop the madness or get a reading of the last rites.

Bikram for breakfast is definitely the way to wake up!  NOT!

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

I was going to your yoga class yesterday and saw a hot twenty-something woman hanging out after her yoga class.  She was talking with a friend and then I noticed it.  Not a nose ring, nor a pierced eye brow, nor a belly button ring.  A stream of lightly colored air started flowing out of her mouth.  She propped her left hand up in a beautiful feminine gesture as she looked at her friend.   I saw the white stick we know as a cigarette.  She was old school defiance.

After an hour and fifteen minutes in your class I left in a dreamy yoga afterglow.  My mind flashed back to the woman I saw before class.   No I wasn’t getting all hot and bothered over her.  It seems she was smoking to elevate the post-yoga high.   Maybe something that causes cancer isn’t all bad.

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

Last night I was watching a movie on tv.  A commercial came on for an allergy medication.  The actress was doing downward dog and a canine approached her.  It was ironic and funny,well, if you’re into yoga.

What other poses could be shown on tv?

For an insurance company commercial:  how about while the actress is in plank pose, a thief removes her diamond tennis bracelet?

For a Spike TV promo:  how about a dog peeing on an actress in tree pose?

A promo for one of those Saturday morning fishing shows on Versus:  how about while the actress does fish pose at beach yoga, a trout washes ashore near the yoga mat?  What is the Sanskrit word for gooey and smelly?  The actress then starts doing pranayamic breathing with her fingers on her nostrils.

For a Law & Order crime:  How about a car-jacking scene in Times Square with the jumbotron in the background showing full wheel pose?

How about during the writing of these emails someone does a headstand near me and asks why nobody else has come up with these ideas?

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

In class recently I saw that one of the other students has a mat with diagrams of the poses on it.  Do you think I should get one of these cheat-sheet mats?  I was thinking about looking over at the teenage girl’s mat during class to see the pictures.  Then I realized this may entitle me to jail-house yoga lessons.  Do you teach in the big house?  Something tells me the poses I may need to  perfect for that studio are Warrior I and Warrior II.

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

Today you taught us a new pose but I can’t remember the name.   Is there an aardvark pose?  I was a little confused; make that a lot.  In fact, I couldn’t figure out what to do even after watching you, nor looking at the people around me.  It was sweet how you gently came over to my mat and asked how I got into the ridiculous position I had created.  Eventually I realized that you helped me get into child’s pose so that other people wouldn’t imitate me.

Gary