Tammy,

You may recall that in yoga class today we were doing the pose called Warrior I.  You came over to make sure my hips were straight forward.  Before yoga I didn’t even know I had hips.  Women’s measurements always have a hip number.  Nobody’s ever measured my hips and there aren’t any guy jeans called hip huggers.

Anyway, you were standing behind me trying to push my hips straight ahead.  You were able to achieve moving these newly found body parts, despite some unintentional resistance.  Now, I thought this team of teacher and student solidly had the pose.  But, you continued to hold me.  At first this was cool because I was perfectly aligned for the pose.  In yoga you are apparently not supposed to worry about being perfect or right or wrong; something about being in the moment.   As time went on, however, I felt like my leg was going to crumble and that I would fall over at any moment.  As the tremors were running through my leg, I was hoping like heck that somebody near me was a newbie, or anybody was doing something totally out of whack, so that you would have to help them.  Please!   Please!   Please!  Normally I am thrilled to have you, the yoga teacher, help me because that’s how one improves.  Well, as I was about to scream “Uncle” or “Kelly Clarkson” (a la 40 Year Old Virgin) and keel over, simultaneously losing all of my masculine chromosomes, you went to another person.  The second I was out of your sight line, I crumbled to the mat in defeat.  You didn’t see my putrid display and therefore I am, well, I can’t exactly say proud, but I am still allowed to use the men’s locker room.

I might say that if yoga wants to get more male participation, a name change might be in order.

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

In class recently I saw that one of the other students has a mat with diagrams of the poses on it.  Do you think I should get one of these cheat-sheet mats?  I was thinking about looking over at the teenage girl’s mat during class to see the pictures.  Then I realized this may entitle me to jail-house yoga lessons.  Do you teach in the big house?  Something tells me the poses I may need to  perfect for that studio are Warrior I and Warrior II.

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

Today you taught us a new pose but I can’t remember the name.   Is there an aardvark pose?  I was a little confused; make that a lot.  In fact, I couldn’t figure out what to do even after watching you, nor looking at the people around me.  It was sweet how you gently came over to my mat and asked how I got into the ridiculous position I had created.  Eventually I realized that you helped me get into child’s pose so that other people wouldn’t imitate me.

Gary

Tammy,

How was your vacation?  I am sick again.

For the first time in a few days I left the house yesterday.  I went to the grocery store for some sickness supplies.  I walked through many aisles to the back of the store.  All of a sudden my hands were over my head and I stood up tall in Mountain pose.  This was followed by a swan dive after which I folded over into Uttanasana pose.  My girlfriend was shrieking and hiding.

Does this mean that through your classes I have become a yogi?  After all, I don’t do yoga at home.  Why did this urge come up when I was light headed in the refrigeration section of the grocery store?  Is yoga now part of my heart center?

Still in the refrigerated section of the store, I looked down at one of the shelves and found the cheeses and other cold stuff.  Lo and behold I also saw an Einstein Bagels bag.  Hmmm I thought: a bomb in a grocery store?  Let’s do some national security work and see what’s in the out-of-place bag.  I mean, why would a sack from a foreign food seller be found in this grocery store?  After much trepidation and careful maneuvering, a bagel was found inside the bag.  Now, I know sometimes people take an item from one part of the store and when they don’t want it, drop it off in another part of the same store.  This was clearly not the same store.  Perhaps somebody with Alzheimer’s disease forgot what store they were in.  Or maybe somebody else was more sick than yours truly and did a full yoga class in the store, but forgot to take their pre-bought-post-shavasana bagel with them.  Have you ever heard of yoga having this effect on people?

Unfortunately and perhaps needless to say, I won’t be in your class tonight and hopefully will do fully monitored vinyasas, mountain and other poses in your class soon.

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

So I was in the shower and it was time for me to wash my legs.

Usually I raise a leg to the side wall of the shower and put the soap on.  You know, like most people do, I think.  Tonight however, you wouldn’t believe what happened.

The crown of my head somehow automatically went down towards my feet and my hands framed my feet on the floor.  Yes that’s right, Uttanasana pose.   Maybe Iyengar was taking a shower when he thought of this pose.  This yoga thing creeps in at strange times, especially if you’re not thinking about it.

Gary Kahn