Amy,

It was my first yoga class in a while and it felt weird.  I mean, what’s the perception of someone who hasn’t been to a yoga class in a while?  As I looked at all the bodies flat on the ground, all I could think of was John Belushi, I mean Bluto, in Animal House:  “Hey! What’s this lyin’ around sh*t?”  The people were barely clothed but this wasn’t a toga party.  What were we doing?  Why were they, and I, doing this so early on a Saturday morning?  It’s not gonna help my GPA.  I don’t think I can put it on my resume.

My warrior wasn’t solid and I was surely susceptible to enemy attacks.  The heels of my downward dog weren’t touching the ground but I didn’t feel high.  I was quivering in vasisthasana as my brain made a futile attempt at translating sanskrit.

In a strange way I felt exhilarated as we flowed through the poses.  I felt out of my mind and surely looked crazy so maybe I should wear a toga to the next class.  I can visualize it now:  A little bit louder now.  Shout!  Shout!  Yeah!  Yeah!  Yeah!  Yeah!

Gary

Tammy,

You know the swimming pool game Marco Polo?  What if yoga teachers played a similar game called pada gustasana?  I kinda like the rhythm, pada        gustasana                              pada        gustasana.

How ’bout Whispering Down the Lane sahaja bhujangasana and see what the last person has to say?

How ’bout singing 100 downward dogs on the mat, 100 downward dogs, take 1 down plank it to the ground, 99 dogs on the mat.  Wait a second, it’s yoga.  It’s supposed to be relaxing.  How ‘bout singing, 2 yogis sitting in meditation, 2 yogis sitting in meditation, one loses focus and they both go grab a beer, they both go grab a beer.  Now that’s what a real man likes to hear.

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

Saturday morning I took an outdoor yoga class.  I placed my mat down before class and immediately went into my routine pre-class corpse, or savasana, pose.  I try to establish my goal of being non-judgmental for the class.  When I looked up to see if class was starting I noticed a little girl on a mat near mine.  She was wearing little turquoise blue shorts, a yellow t shirt, and her hair was pulled up.  She was sporting a nice Boca tan as was her mom who was on the other side of this little four year old.

When the class started I noticed the little yogi trying the poses.  Her torso touched the ground during downward dog thereby missing the v shape called for in the pose.  When we went from plank, to chaturanga, to upward dog, to downward dog, she did her own little jumping routine which she altered each time we went through the sequence.  She smiled and was full of energy despite the fact that she didn’t conform to everyone around her.  Eventually she left the area and ran around the rest of the park with her mom in tow; somebody was in the moment and somebody else was in the running fear pose.  I tried to refrain myself but couldn’t help laughing.

Not being judgmental here but I think the kid deserves an A for the class.  After all, she walked away without a worry about what she looked like and was thrilled to see the sights.  I’m not big on the all-about-me attitude but it may have its place.

Gary Kahn

Tammy,

Saturday I went to a rock & roll yoga class.

At the beginning of class I heard Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’ over the speaker system, except something was different.  Usually my mind thinks exclusively of the hot, skateboarding woman in the video.  This time I was actually listening to the lyrics and for the first time I figured out what the song is about.  Thanks John Mayer.

Toward the end of the class the teacher told us to squat on the ground.  We then raised our bottoms, bent over, and tried to put our inner thighs on the back of our upper arms, crow style.  I had trouble getting into the pose, so the teacher said to look forward.  I took a leap of faith and for a brief second I was flying; that’s the word yogis use, right?  Well, then my body flew forward and my head went clunk against the ground.  Hmm, I was thinking, was I body checked?  No.  Was I punched?  No.  I’m doing yoga.  I was a little woozy when I heard the song playing at that moment, Pink Floyd’s Shine on You Crazy Diamond.  My brain rattled around and I couldn’t even figure out what symbolism was.

I guess when I heard Jack Johnson’s Upside Down early in class I should have realized that things were going to be mind altering.

Gary Kahn

PS  Something else happened in class.  At one point, the teacher told us to unclench our butts.  What was that all about?  All I could think of were the lines from Predator 2:  “Okay everybody, just take a deep breath.  Loosen your sphincters.”

Tammy,

Today I arrived about ten minutes early for your class.  I was the fourth person there.  To my surprise the three other people were guys.  I set my mat up where I usually do; this is apparently now the “men’s” side.  More people started arriving; they were women.  In fact, four women showed up and placed their mats on the opposite side of the room which was apparently the “women’s” side.  I felt like I was at a middle school dance.

One of the guys then started doing push ups.

Then you arrived and went into your normal spot, front and center.  Were you holding a battle of the sexes yoga class?  I missed that text message.

I usually have my eyes closed during class, so did the women’s side of the room laugh when any of the guys couldn’t hold the chair pose or warrior II pose for extended periods of time?    Did any of the women make any non-verbal, yogic passes at the guys to throw off our focus?  Did the women’s side become jealous because you had to spend more time adjusting the men’s side?

I had to leave right after class so what was the winner supposed to get and/or what was the losing side required to do?  Guys will not wear capri or crop pants to a yoga class.  This is a deal breaker; sorry, guys already feel weird walking out of a class carrying a yoga mat.  No way will any of us guys be getting any of those yoga tattoos on our lower backs.

So, who won?