Email to My Yoga Teacher

Tammy,

I was at a yoga class this week.  We were doing a pose which involves a lot of stretching and produces a lot of stress; well, at least in my mind.  I heard a noise that was louder than a yogi’s normal ujjayi breathing.  It was more powerful than an asthmatic dying from a wheezing attack.  It was like somebody was snoring really, really loudly; in fact, it sounded like a wildebeest was roaming around the room.  I was skeeved and my skin started to crawl.  What’s going on?  What’s the matter with this thing?  Wait a second.  Nobody brought their animal to class today.  Could a person actually sound this way?  I hope he has it checked out; if not, the next thing you know everybody will start making the loudest and strangest noises.  The type A personalities will battle to have the best yoga noise and they will be put on Yoga Journal’s website.  If the hideous noise is stopped now, an epidemic similar to the grunting in tennis will be narrowly averted.

I’m entitled to a pristine class, without revolting noises.  Isn’t that a promise in the brochure of every yoga studio?  After all, how can I practice my focus if there is something distracting me?

Gary